Some people are dumb cunts. In the tattooing business they’re known, among other things, as low-value clients. People who aren’t worth the trouble, or only barely so. If this offends you, you might very well BE one. The rest of you no doubt get it. So grab some popcorn and a mid-strength beer and settle in as we tell the tale of this grandiose turd-burglar and how they managed to tell on themselves to us and then wanted to complain about it.

When you come into Lighthouse Tattoo for a walk-in we will figure out what you want, how long it will take and determine who has time to do the tattoo. If we have the time you’ll be asked to fill out your paperwork. If we don’t have immediate availability, you can either wait; we can schedule you for another day; or we can schedule you for later the same day. If you’re going to leave the shop, you’ll be asked to leave an $80 deposit to hold your time. If you don’t leave the deposit, we won’t guarantee you any specific time slot. Make sense? We thought so too.

Enter especially cunty here.

Kelsey’s grandmother died on September 24th and she wanted a memorial tattoo when she came in as a walk-in on Friday the 25th. Now, Fridays and Saturdays the world over are the busiest days of the week for tattoo shops, but we were actually able to take care of her with only about an hour wait. Kelsey told Hannah (who works here) she was going to go price-shop other places and Hannah informed Kelsey of our policy regarding price-shoppers: If you don’t set an appointment when you are quoted a price, the price is subject to INCREASE (unless we forget what we told you or it’s a session rate, which is pretty static, neither of which were going to be the case for Cunty Kelsey here.)

To digress, Kelsey denies that she said she was price shopping but let me ask you a question- Why not just pay the deposit then Kelsey? The ONLY reason not to pay the deposit to schedule your appointment for an hour from now is because you’re price shopping. Don’t be fooled, we only LOOK stupid.

Our policies, though seemingly confrontational to some, exist to protect us from ne’er-do-wells and charlatans or downright dummies, like Cunty Kelsey here. They’re a little in-your-face, a bit cheeky, maybe even surly, but they DO enforce the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Well, Kelsey, when someone seeks to get their tattoo as cheaply as possible why SHOULDN’T we try to get the MOST for it? That first quote was a fair price and you know it, our minimum. $80. The least we can charge and still turn a profit in this economy. It’s also the minimum of every professional tattooer within a stone’s throw of Lebanon and a good price for what you were asking for. You screwed up by not sealing the deal and now you’re mad because you got offended.

But you’re not mad at us, and you’re not even offended Kelsey.

You’re just hurt, because your grandmother passed.

You got angry at the policy when the easy fix is to leave the $80 deposit and come get tattooed in an hour. If you wanted the tattoo as a walk-in you should have the money, so what’s the problem? You were just a bit raw because of your feelings. It’s understandable, but the review you left 3 weeks after you came to Lighthouse Tattoo, in the middle of the night, isn’t. Hannah recently lost a loved one too, did you know that?

Barbara Murray is Hannah’s great-grandmother. She was in her mid-80s when she passed, suffering from dementia and an inoperable tumor that was pressing on one of her carotid arteries is what she eventually succumbed to. She’d been cared for by Hannah’s grandmother for about 8 years by the time she left this world. Hannah’s mother spent three weeks of sleepless nights caring for her grandmother at the very end. Mimi, as Hannah and her siblings called her, will be sorely missed.

So we understand what that kind of loss can do to a person’s emotional state and we don’t blame you for that. We’re sorry, we really are.

But that doesn’t give you the right to be a fucking cunt to us on the internet you dumb, delirious bitch.

You know how it goes if you don’t leave that deposit Kelsey? You come back an hour later and invariably there’s someone else sitting in Hannah’s chair getting tattooed and now we can’t get you in and you STILL leave us a 1 star review because ‘they said they could get me in in an hour’, you’ll lie just like you lied about not telling Hannah you were price shopping.

Do unto others. Don’t start nothing, won’t be nothing. FAFO. Well, here you go.

Please, PLEASE tell everyone you know that we don’t want to put up with your shit. Tell them we offered you a good price for a walk-in tattoo on a FRIDAY. Tell them we gave you the chance to reserve your slot and YOU refused and then left us a bad review 3 WEEKS later.

These policies are in place to protect us from shitheads that are disingenuous and trying to take us (tattoo artists in general) for a ride. They are not directed at any specific individual, but because of your charged emotional state you didn’t have the bandwidth at the time to process that. While we can empathize with that, we cannot abide the mistreatment/disrespect that you’ve shown Hannah or Lighthouse Tattoo with your bullshit review on Google. Suck my dick Kelsey. You could have just left the deposit.