Okay, how to make this short?

Sometimes businesses offer promotional events. Typically these events are used to drive additional sales. Lighthouse Tattoo does things a bit differently by offering promotional events that COST us money. I know, we’re dumb. We do enjoy giving back to our community and it does tend to allow us to reach a broader client base than we normally would with our super lazy social media presence, though, so maybe it’s not all at a loss.

Ahem, buteverysinglegoddamntimewedowealwayshavetodealwithafewdummies. I mean, seriously! You can’t make this stuff up. Some people act like you don’t have anything better to do than answer stupid questions. So we tried a little experiment this last time, and it worked out swimmingly!

Here goes: After posting abour a $10 piercing day the promotion really takes off on Facebook. Dozens of shares and hundreds of comments in less than a day and we know that a deal of that magnitude is going to garner a ton of interest. As with anything, though, you have to take the good with the bad and every SINGLE time we do anything like this it brings a bunch of dummies out of the woodwork. Something had to be done. Or rather, a very selective Nothing. So our owner Will told us not to answer any questions that could be answered by simply reading the material provided in the promotion or searching for us on Google. Anyone who direct messaged us to get this kind of information would be challenged to find the information for themselves. Anyone who gets angry or refuses to do so won’t come and thus we can weed out the weak before having to suffer their awful, dumb personalities. You see, $10 piercing day is going to be extremely busy and we don’t need to waste everyone’s time by having to deal with people who can’t understand simple instructions or perform simple tasks, it simply reeks of entitlement mentality and stupidity.

Enter Misty.

Now, we would have refrained from putting something so trivial on Knucklehead of the Month, but she decided to start calling us names immediately and left us ye olde 1-star review like it matters so we knew we had to share this comedy gold with the rest of the world. You’re welcome, world!

To point out a few things: 1. We didn’t call Misty a dummy, we just mentioned if she wasn’t smart enough to figure out where we are, we’d rather not have to deal with her on what was going to be such a busy day. She immediately takes offense at something said in jest, that if one of your friends said it to you, you’d slap yourself on the forehead in a ‘Yep, that was dumb’ Eureka moment. Instead, miss-doesn’t-get-it resorts to personal attacks and threatens to take her business elsewhere, which is exactly what we’d recommended should she fail our little IQ test. Sorry Misty, we can’t all be winners. Ever heard that old saying about the empty kettle boiling first? That’s what we’ve got with ol’ Misty here.

2. She suggests that she is a potential customer (re: not a customer), which is only the case because we’re offering $10 piercings, which is a preposterously great deal. She doesn’t want to put the least amount of effort into getting this cheap piercing however, and in our considerable experience, people like that coming to an event like this is bad news. Once they get here, those people always take up more time and resources than we can reasonably allot them and they immediately take to the interweb for the vaunted 1-star salvo, like we’re supposed to give a shit or something. If only people like that understood what they’re really doing is confirming that their business wasn’t worth having anyway. Honestly, If I had to worry about someone trying to tear my business down for the slightest perceived infraction, I don’t know if I could sleep at night. I sleep like a fucking baby though, so we’re good.

and 3. She takes the time to threaten us by spreading the word about how we talked to her…Well, so will WE Misty, cause we fucking meant it. Your behavior has confirmed every notion we had that you might be no fun to have around. Thanks for participating in our little experiment.

Now let me tell you how things could have gone: While yes, we were being a bit cheeky with you, we didn’t call you stupid, we only suggested anyone who couldn’t find us via internet info might be too dumb to suffer. You could have agreed with us, had a head-slap moment and found the info you needed, came in on $10 piercing day and gotten pierced and maybe met some pretty cool people in the process (not just us, lots of folks show up to these events and it’s always fun to mingle a little). You could have done this easily, as contrary to your accusation- 4. The information you needed is posted on the very facebook page you were messaging for the info, you big Knucklehead! It always has been.

Lighthouse Tattoo is not for everyone. We’ve never claimed to be.

To those we ARE here for: We will continue to do all we can to weed out the Knuckleheads so you don’t have to deal with them while you’re here, but it’s a daunting task.

Misty, ya Knucklehead, it didn’t have to go this way. If you could go so far as to see this for yourself, your life would be better for it. We wish you all the luck in the world in your future endeavors, but we’d recommend using your noodle for something besides wasting other people’s time and getting mad when they call you out for it.

For anyone who thinks this is rude, unprofessional, or anything other than predictably hilarious and well played, then Lighthouse Tattoo probably isn’t for you, either. Seriously.